Family and friends: are there any problems

XX Международный конкурс научно-исследовательских и творческих работ учащихся
Старт в науке

Family and friends: are there any problems

Агаркова В.А. 1
1МБОУ Одинцовская СОШ №1
Шевченко Т.А. 1
1МБОУ Одинцовская СОШ №1
Автор работы награжден дипломом победителя II степени
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In the modern world, there is an increasing understanding of the family as determining not only the development of the child, but ultimately the development of the whole society.

The interaction of a child with a parent is the first experience of interaction with the outside world. In every society, a certain culture of relationships and interaction between parents and children develops, social stereotypes arise, certain attitudes and views on parenting in the family, and it is hardly an exaggeration to say that the civilization of society is determined not only by the attitude towards women, but also by the attitude towards children. Many parents are well aware of the shortcomings of their upbringing, but very often they lack basic psychological literacy to solve their problems.

The relevance of our project lies in the fact that the growing interest in the problems of family education in our country is associated with new socio-economic conditions. The change of ideological guidelines or their complete absence creates difficulties that modern parents have to face.

The object of the project is the teenagers aged 14-16 years and their parents.

The subject of the project is the relationships between teenagers and parents.

The aim is to explore the relationship of adolescents with parents and find possible ways to solve them.

According to the purpose of the work, the following objectives were set:

- to study the literature on the topic;

- to consider the characteristics of adolescence;

- to consider the sphere of communication of adolescents in the family;

- to explore the relationship between teenagers and parents.

- to develop a set of practical recommendations for adolescents and their parents

The hypothesis: we assume that the relationship between adolescents and their parents is influenced by the psychological atmosphere in the family.

Research methods:questionnaires, observation, comparative analysis, generalization.

The analysis of family situations helps the parent to look at himself from the outside, ”through the eyes of others”, and thereby, as it were, objectify his behavior. Parents begin to better understand their own parenting stereotypes, which are not the result of a conscious choice of the educator, but are usually adopted or ”inherited” from their parents, or are the result of ideas about the relationship between the child and the parent, obtained from a close social environment, mass communication and information.

Chapter I. Theoretical part

1.1 Features of adolescence

Adolescence is the most difficult of all childhood ages, which is a period of personality formation. This age has been studied by many psychologists.

Adolescence is characterized by rapid changes in the anatomy and physiology of the adolescent. It grows intensively, body weight increases, the skeleton grows intensively, the cardiovascular system develops. There is puberty. A teenager may experience anxiety, irritability, depression. Many begin to feel clumsy, awkward, there are concerns about appearance, short or tall height etc. These changes have an indirect meaning, they are refracted through social ideas about development, through the cultural traditions of growing up, through the attitude of others towards a teenager and comparing oneself with others.

It is most often believed that during adolescence, the child has less need to communicate with parents, and more with peers. Indeed, at this age, a teenager communicates more and more with peers, but communication with parents is no less important for him than before. Only varieties of communication with parents rely on two options: formal communication and informal.

Formal communication includes dialogues on the topics of study, lessons, behavior and responsibilities.

Informal communication is aimed at talking about “life”, relationships with people, friendship and other topics that are very important for adolescence.

A teenager, in case of difficult life situations, more often turns to his mother than to his father. Relations with the mother are more trusting and have a direct impact on the perception of phenomena in other areas that occur around, in society. In the case when a teenager has a negative attitude towards his mother, when he has a difficult relationship with her, the likelihood that in the present and in the future, such a person will have a more negative attitude towards the behavior of other people is higher. Communication with the father often occurs on the topics of politics, sports, economics, and this is due to the fact that the male character is considered tougher and fathers spend less time with their children.

Often, both generations misunderstand how the other side treats them: the younger ones expect negative assessments from their parents, and parents from their children. The source of delusion is a generalization of the inevitable recriminations between children and parents. This false generalization greatly complicates the relationship between generations.

1.2 Relationships between teenagers and parents

In the well-known Baltimore longitudinal study, M. Ainsworth used scales for observation, including 4 measurements of maternal attitude to the child.

1. Sensitivity - insensitivity to the needs of the baby, in which the mother's ability to understand the child's need and see everything from his point of view is revealed.

2. Acceptance is a statement that testifies to the value significance of the child and his role for the mother.

3. Cooperativeness is an intervention that reflects the mother's respect for the independence and individuality of the child and her tendency to support his initiative or impose her own desires.

4. Support - ignoring, a scale that reveals the degree of emotional adequacy of the mother and her emotionality and emotionality. Mothers of group "B" were distinguished by high indicators in all dimensions of these scales.

An important merit of the psychoanalytic direction is that its founders paid attention to the early experience of interaction between parents and children and to various types of mental traumatization in childhood. The information obtained in the works of A. Freud, Z. Hall, K. Horney, J. Bowlby, E. Erickson, V. Schutz and others has gained wide popularity and recognition. They stressed the importance of caring for children at an early age and treating them humanely.

At the same time, we are close to the position of G. T. Khomentauskas, who sets out his views on the process of interaction between parents and children in the following provisions.

1. The child is not just a product of the educational influences of parents. The child is active. He makes sense of the family and himself in it, determines his behavior, attitude to the family and to himself.

2. Children, due to their limited experience, peculiar thinking, perceive and evaluate what is happening around them differently than we do. You can understand their behavior, emotional experiences and help them only by looking at the world through their eyes.

3. The family situation of the child's development is not identical to the one that we perceive. For each member of the family, it looks a little different. Every child in the family gets their own unique experience. In fact, each of them develops in different conditions.

4. Children are influenced not only by your deliberate educational influences, but equally or even more by all the peculiarities of parents' behavior, including those neither you nor they are aware of.

After such introductory remarks, we will now pay attention to the specifics of parent-child relations and interaction. A lot of attention has been paid to the problem of studying relations in this area. The analysis of the literature, which somehow examines the interaction and relationships of parents and children, allows us to identify the following areas of research.

It is important to note that the manifestation of love on the part of the child can also be of a different nature. Based on his life experience, the child can come to different internal positions. G. T. Homentauskas identifies four generalized attitudes of the child in relation to parents and to himself.

1. I am needed and loved, and I love you too. In this case , the parental relationship with the child is characterized by the following three features:

a) the overall positive emotional background of the interaction;

b) recognition of the autonomy, originality of the child's personality, his right to choose;

c) recognizing the rights of the child, parents at the same time do not forget about their desires and aspirations, strive to realize their own life plans.

2. I am needed and loved, and you exist for me. This position occurs more often in families with a predominant cult of the child, in which all the affairs and worries are centered around a small idol.

3. I am unloved, but I sincerely wish to get closer to you. Families in which a child can feel his dislike are outwardly very diverse. In some families, a lot of attention is paid to children, and in others, children are clearly pedagogically neglected. This suggests that the child's well-being does not depend on the visible features of family life, but on its deeper psychological features. For example, such as the appearance of a child due to an unwanted pregnancy, dissatisfaction with the child as he is, excessive demands, authoritarianism of parents, rejection of the child in any form.

4. I am not needed and not loved. Leave me alone. A child can demonstrate his stupidity, bad habits, clumsiness - all in order to "scare" an adult away from himself.

The opposite pole of the concept of "acceptance" is the concept of "rejection". Rejection is understood as a violation of parent-child relations and is singled out by many psychologists as an unfavorable type of upbringing. At the same time, we are close to the point of view of Gordon, who writes that every parent from time to time experiences two different feelings for children - acceptance and non-acceptance.. The degree of acceptance may depend on various reasons.

Firstly, it can be a characteristic of the personality of the parents themselves. These people are usually confident, with a high level of tolerance, their feelings about themselves are independent of what is happening around them, etc.

Secondly, the area of acceptance is determined by the child himself. Children can be highly aggressive, physically unattractive, and have traits that are difficult to admire.

Finally, the degree of acceptance may vary depending on the situation and the conditions in which the parent and child are. Thus, it is more difficult for a parent to accept the negative behavior of a child at a party than at home, or if he is sick and tired. M. Buber wrote that "the one who directly hates is closer to the attitude than the one who is devoid of love and hatred. The next characteristic of interaction and attitude towards the child is "anxiety for the child". Anxiety for the child may increase due to various reasons, it may be associated with the personal qualities of the parents themselves and with the characteristics of the child. It is important for us how a parent's anxiety can be related to the nature of interaction with the child. The results of the correlation analysis suggest that high anxiety for the child leads to increased control over the child's behavior and prevents the parent from behaving more consistently. Thus, such an important indicator of parental behavior as control (at the opposite pole - autonomy, granting independence to the child) turned out to be unrelated: neither with acceptance nor with emotional intimacy, but is associated with anxiety for the child.

Chapter II.Practical experimental research

In the practical part of our work, we found out the main problems and important points in the parent-child relationship, using several diagnostic techniques, which we will discuss in more detail.

Methods for diagnosing child-parent relationships

1. "Measure of care"

Instruction: it is known that many violations in the behavior and development of the child are associated with insufficient attention to him by parents. However, according to psychologists, excessive guardianship can be as dangerous as its lack. This test will help you figure out how true your educational position is. There are 15 statements in front of you. At first glance, it may seem that not all of them are related to education. Nevertheless, for each phrase, mark the number of points corresponding to your judgment on this issue.

"Strongly disagree" - 1 point.

"I would be in no hurry to agree with this" - 2 points.

"That's probably true" - 3 points.

"Absolutely, I think so" - 4 points.

1. Parents should anticipate all the problems of the child in order to help him overcome them.

2. For a good mother, it is enough to communicate only with her own family.

3. A small child should always be held firmly while washing, so that he does not fall and hurt himself.

4. When a child does what he must, he is on the right track and will be happy because of this.

5. It's good if the child goes in for sports. But he should not engage in martial arts, as this is fraught with physical injuries and mental disorders.

6. Parenting is hard work.

7. The child should not have secrets from the parents.

8. If the mother does not cope with her duties in relation to the children, this most likely means that the father does not fulfill his duties of supporting the family well.

9. Maternal love cannot be excessive: you cannot spoil a child with love.

10. Parents should protect the child from the negative aspects of life.

11. You should not accustom the child to routine housework so that he does not lose his desire for any work.

12. If the mother did not lead the house, husband, children, everything would be less organized.

13. In the family diet, everything that is most delicious and healthy should go to the child first of all.

14. The best protection against infectious diseases is to limit contact with others.

15. Parents should actively influence which peer a child chooses to be friends with.

Results processing

If you scored over40 points, then your family, most likely, can be called child-centric. That is, the interests of the child - the main motive of your behavior. This position is commendable. However, yours is somewhat pointed. Psychologists call this overprotectiveness. In such families, adults do everything for the child, strive to protect him from imaginary dangers, force him to follow his requirements, judgments, and moods. As a result, the child develops a passive dependence on parents, which, as they grow older, increasingly hinders personal growth. You should trust your child more, believe in him, listen to his own interests, because it is rightly said: "Raising children means teaching them to do without us."

From 25 to 40 points. Your child is not in danger of becoming promiscuous and spoiled, as long as you give him sufficient, but not excessive attention. Try to maintain this level of relationship.

If you scored less than25 points, then you clearly underestimate yourself as an educator, rely too much on chance and a favorable set of circumstances. Problems in business and marital relationships often take your attention away from your child. And he has the right to expect great participation and care from you!

Based on the processing of the survey by this method of parents of adolescent schoolchildren MBOU Odintsovo secondary school No. 1, the results of the survey were distributed as follows. (see attachment 1)

According to the diagram data, we can conclude that among the entire group of parents participating in the study (104 people), high values were diagnosed by us on a scale of “more than 40 points” (64%). High scores on this scale indicate the predominance of the authoritarian style in education, which is revealed through the unceremonious and peremptory attitude of parents towards their teenagers, diktat, coldness and callousness, aggression, and also rigidity towards children. Communication with adolescents consists of brief business orders, it is unfriendly and is conducted clearly, in most cases prohibitions are applied without concessions, there are also threats, while the emotions and feelings of a teenager are not taken into account. Relationships between parents and their children are distant. An important role is played by the requirement of parents in the social achievements and success of the child.

A significantly lower value (29%) was obtained by us on a scale of "less than 25 points", which indicates the desire of parents to distance themselves from solving problems and conflicts with their child, to adhere to a liberal-permissive style of communication, to prefer to ignore problems rather than solve them, to infantilize child, as well as attributing to him social and personal failure.

Questionnaire for studying the interaction of parents with children I. Markovskaya (VRP)

The method of I. Markovskaya is one of the few in which, from the very beginning, two parallel questionnaires were supposed - for children and for parents - measuring the same parameters of child-parent interaction.

When filling out the questionnaire, parents and children are asked to rate the degree of agreement with each statement on a 5-point system: 1 point - completely disagree, this statement is not at all suitable, 5 points - completely agree, this statement is absolutely suitable.

The Parent-Child Interaction Questionnaire for adolescents and their parents presents the following 10 scales:

1. Undemanding - demanding parent. The data of this scale show the level of exactingness of the parent, which is manifested in the interaction of the parent with the child. The higher the score on this scale, the more demanding the parent is, the more he expects a high level of responsibility from the child.

2. Softness - the severity of the parent. Based on the results of this scale, one can judge the severity, severity of the measures applied to the child, the rigidity of the rules established in the relationship between parents and children, the degree of coercion of children to something.

3. Autonomy - control in relation to the child. The higher the scores on this scale, the more pronounced the controlling behavior towards the child. High control can manifest itself in petty guardianship, obsession, the desire to limit; low control can lead to complete autonomy of the child, to permissiveness, which may be the result of either an indifferent attitude towards the child, or admiration. It is also possible that low control is associated with the manifestation of trust in the child or the desire of the parent to instill independence in him.

4. Emotional distance - the emotional closeness of the child to the parent. Particular attention should be paid to the fact that this scale reflects the parent's idea of the closeness of the child to him. This interpretation of this scale is caused by the mirror form of the questionnaire, according to which children evaluate their closeness to their parents, their desire to share the most intimate and important with their parents. Comparing the data of the parent and the data of the child, one can judge the accuracy of the parent's ideas, the overestimation or underestimation of the child's closeness to him.

5. Rejection - acceptance of the child by the parent. This scale reflects the parent's basic attitude towards the child, his acceptance or rejection of the child's personal qualities and behavioral manifestations. Acceptance of the child as a person is an important condition for the favorable development of the child, his self-esteem. Parental behavior may be perceived by the child as accepting or rejecting.

6. Lack of cooperation - cooperation. The presence of cooperation between parents and children perfectly reflects the nature of the interaction. Cooperation is a consequence of the inclusion of the child in the interaction, recognition of his rights and dignity. It reflects equality and partnership between parents and children. Lack of such may be the result of broken relationships, authoritarian, indifferent or permissive parenting styles.

7. Disagreement—agreement between the child and the parent. This scale also describes the nature of the interaction between parent and child and reflects the frequency and degree of agreement between them in various life situations. Using two forms of the questionnaire - for children and adults, it is possible to assess the degree of agreement not only on this scale, but also on all other scales, since the discrepancies between them also make it possible to judge the differences in the views of the child and the parent on the educational situation in the family.

8. Inconsistency - the sequence of the parent. The consistency of the parent is an important parameter of interaction, this scale reflects how consistent and constant the parent is in his demands, in his attitude towards the child, in the application of punishments and rewards, etc. The inconsistency of a parent may be the result of emotional imbalance, educational uncertainty, rejecting attitudes towards the child, etc.

9. Parent authority. The results of this scale reflect the parent's self-esteem in the sphere of his influence on the child, how much his opinions, actions, actions are authoritative for the child, what is the strength of their influence. Comparison with the data of the child makes it possible to judge the degree of discrepancy in the assessments of parental authority. When children give a high rating to the authority of a parent, it most often means a pronounced positive attitude towards the parent as a whole, so the indicators on this scale are very important for diagnosing the positivity-negativity of the child's relationship with the parent, as well as the indicators on the next - 10th scale.

10. Satisfaction with the relationship of the child with the parent. According to the 10th scale, one can judge the overall degree of satisfaction with the relationship between parents and children, both from one side and the other. A low degree of satisfaction may indicate violations in the structure of parent-child relationships, possible conflicts, or concern about the current family situation.

Questionnaires Parent-Child Interaction (PCR) has three forms: one for children and two for adults, with 60 questions each. In our study, we took only two forms: for teenagers and parents of teenagers.

The results are shown in the diagram. (see attachment 2)

Scales of the PCR questionnaire for parents and adolescents

1.Undemanding - demanding.

2. Softness - severity.

3. Autonomy - control.

4. Emotional distance - closeness.

5. Rejection - acceptance.

6. Lack of cooperation - cooperation.

7. Anxiety for the child.

8. Inconsistency - consistency.

9. Educational confrontation in the family.

10. Satisfaction with the relationship with the child.

Summarizing the data obtained during the study, it can be concluded that the main the cause of conflicts between adolescents and their parents is insufficient knowledge of effective communication skills and the use of non-constructive ways of solving problems. There is a lack of knowledge and skills of constructive conflict resolution among the parties to conflicts.

Parents in conflict situations use forms in relation to adolescents psychological and physical abuse. Both teenagers and their parents do not take into account manifestation of age-related psychological characteristics of adolescents – increased emotional and behavioral imbalance, excessive desire to communicate with peers, etc.

According to the data obtained, it can be said that conflicts between parents and adolescents arise mainly with an authoritarian leadership style combined with physical punishment, personally significant deprivation, rejection and deliberate ignoring, as well as with various moralizing and reading notations.

In connection with the data obtained, we decided to develop an information desk calendar with tips, recommendations and methods for normalizing and improving child-parent relationships, which can be used both at home and at school by class teachers, for example, within the framework of thematic class hour, etc.


Changes in social conditions of life affect the mental properties of the child's character: he is sent to a nursery, sent to school earlier. These trends inevitably affect the nature and quality of relationships both on the positive side and on the negative side. The child is susceptible to the nature of the relationship of his parents with those persons outside the home with whom the child has already formed a secondary relationship. Of course, the specific cases of each of the sectors of relations - at home and outside the home - are very diverse. The central place in the child's life continues to be occupied by parents, and it is to them that he addresses his problems, only on them he can rely entirely, the interaction of the child with the parent is the first experience of interaction with the outside world, this experience is consolidated and forms certain patterns of behavior with other people.

List of used literature

  1. Darvish O.B. Age-related psychology. / Ed. Olesya Borisovna Darvish. Vlados-Press, / 2003 – 202

  2. Regush L.A. Psychology of the modern teenager / Ed. L.A. Regush. - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2005. – 400

  3. Fopel K. On the Threshold of Adulthood: Psychological Work with Adolescent and Youthful Problems. Separation from family. Love and friendship. Sexuality./ Per. with him. - M.: Genesis, 2008. – 176

  4. Relations between parents and children in the family / N. F. Abramenkova, V. A. Aslanidi, M. V. Lukina [and others]. - Text: direct // Aspects and trends in pedagogical science: materials of the III Intern. scientific conf. (St. Petersburg, December 2017). - St. Petersburg: Own publishing house, 2017. -201







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Product of the project

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